Never did I dream of a life like this here in the wonderland for some people, the land that you can be anyone you like to be. I have learned what Taiwanese society asks from women and so-called normalcy defines a woman fit in terms of various roles: daughter, wife, mother, bread-earner, and I was so naive as to think that I might be spared from examilnation and scrutination of being a decent woman. But it was not till last month, I've experienced and learnt what most people expect from a married woman, who can "have it all and give it all:" an obedient daughter, a dutiful wife/homemaker/angel-of-the-house(?) and a "productive" mother (pun intended) -- at least these are what I am asked for for the time being.
When I confided to my family about the physical and mental/emotional discomfort, disturbance and struggle I have been undergoing, what I got was something like: “Your blog, your writing and your stories/fictions are always complaint," "You call mopping the floor, doing the chores hard times?" "All you have to do is keep the house, find a job, go to school to get further certification or credentials in academic arena which is help you work and earn more bread..." For me, the wording is so brutally abusive that I became quiet and even more reluctant upon the continuous echoing of the words context-free (that might be a symptom of compulsion). I felt like retreating from society and staying home eversince. Julian accompanied me all day and allied himself with me, and it took me two days to recover and return to a normal-functioning person.
People have long minding their physical health instead of taking mental health seriously; that is why they tend to overlook the causes of tragic group suicide, suicide pact, family suicide, and so forth. Some of them even jumped to the conclusion that the suicidals are emotionally vulnerable and usually feeble in terms of determination. They are absorbed only in the result and effect disregard the pretext or possible justification. Does that somehow explain why most people make material life or view facts from substantial matters nowadays? Don't they look beyond nor behind the scenes anymore?
I can be deemed as a loser. Lose what? I've gambled this new life on my previous successful career and happy single life. I've gained and proven a very worthy companion-for-life so far, and that's all. Call me greedy, but I am spoilt nonetheless somewhat training-day shocked by social expectation on me as a married woman.