The other day I read a couple of posts, one from the Gazette at Montreal and the other from ptt. Both girls vented their experience as overseas students. Ms. CG taught English at Taichung, Taiwan when she signed up for the job opportunity of teaching abroad whereas Ms. PS enrolled in a language program in the windy city, US. The former kept track of her life and listed quite a few of "unbearable" sights, sight-spoting in local living condition, whereas the latter kept whining about what she suffered from the language program she attended.
For me, CG and PS appeared to be those enervated and pampered brats. They are princesses, having romanticized and lived their lives in rosy bubble. Or perhaps they also live to see the world with a rosy lens as well. That is why whenever they see or come across something out of their expectation and anticipation, something they are not accustomed to and can't take it the way it is or make sense of it with more open mind and thoughts that respect culture value, they snapped; they broke.
Well, life is a bitch and it ain't news. Before you move to some foreign places, you learn about it and then you learn to adapt and respect. That's when evolution takes place. People change. But there are some essence that's fundamental and intrinsic. Those will never change. Those who take life or what they've got for granted will learn in a hard way when they finally encounter the blow.
M. I simply don't agree with the way she lives her life.
I. Why do you have to agree with her? You care about her that much?
M. I thought we had the chance to be closer and be friends.
I. ...
M. But then I realized she's totally not my type at all.
I. You need to be more specific.
M. It's just...she seems to be an opportunist seeking every chance to take advantage of everything and everyone.
I. There are a lot of people like that. You might as well get used to it. Besides, you wouldn't lose anything if you are aware of that and refuse to be taken advantage of, right?
M. I know, but it's just that...I didn't see her as someone that's selfish, self-absorbed and self-centered...
My dearest, you are too sweet and naïve. I wanted to say to her, but I didn't.
At times, who you hang out with reflect who you are or what you look for as well. That's why you become selective about friendship. Birds of a feather flock together. True friends stay and those who can be-friend and de-friend casually are the suspicious specie. There are always some that think of you only when they need help, need favor or need to take advantage of you, such as using you for materials, for good times and for any good they could get out of you, time will prove them fake and make them show the true colour. I am glad those who I deem to stay loyal with are mostly honest friends who also stay with me in good times and bad. They are not hypocrites that say one thing and do another, not drama queens that befriending/defriending capriciously and then constantly checking to see whether they can find fault with whatever you are doing, thinking and writing, striving to prove you wrong so as to build their stupid sense of superiority or whatever nonsense that makes them feel good. Yet such is life. There are always people like that and it's the kind that makes you run deep in your thoughts, reflect on yourself and then move on with a better self, because you don't want to be like that so you don't hang out with that kind.
It's always good to see the truth.
M. Why would someone befriend me and then defriend me without a reason?
I. Are you sure it's all done sans reasons?
M. Well, not sure of that. But I just don't understand why he'd do that to me and then check on my status and blog from time to time? To see how I am doing? To see if some mishaps happen to me so that he could laugh about it, make fun of me?
I. ...(speechless, sounds too familiar to me...) Perhaps he's obsessed with you? But in any case, if that's true, it's pretty pathetic, pretty sad. He can't get over it...I mean, with you.
M. I am so confused about this cyberspace drama and social networking things. When does human relationship become so complicated and perplexing...Argh...
I. Or...he's got this crush on you...watch out.
M. That's not the case. I think he's smart enough to see that I try to keep a distance from him. J said maybe he's jealous of me or I've got something that he wished for.
I. Now, let's not go there. You know how sensitive I am toward the issue of narcissism...After all, it's all conjecture, isn't it? Now that he defriended you, you'd probably never learn the truth. But just ask yourself one question: why do you even care about someone that's so snobbish, pretentious and phony?
M. ...I guess you made your point...
You asked me why I am so anal about everything, even friendship. I laughed. I know what I am doing and I have my own sets of ground rules. You teased me for acting like a taxonomist. I acquiesced in your poke. What are friends? Is that friend count even reliable? Do you friend with everyone that adds you? Are you really willing to attend those events you are invited to? Is your friendship able to be determined by a single line of description? Is the relationship truthfully projected or encapsulated what you are in? Why do you think my fb friends count always stays stably low? Those who see you and take you the way you are stay with you. What you see is what you get. Most of the time. But what you don't see is not necessarily that hard to figure out. I hide different things from different groups of people. Yes, I treat most of them in groups, except those really special someone. I am inclined to categorizing and grouping things and people, placing a label or two on them, for most of them act not like individual but they synchronize, one way or another. I don't block anyone but I do screen everyone and everything with certain scrutiny and reflection. When to show what to whom. Most of time, I am meticulous. Yes, I am conscientious. I'm obsessed with the magnifying glass in some particular trace of character and personality and I make specimen out of my observation. You think that smile you saw was genuine and innocent? You might overlook the potential of that particular smile that'll sink a thousand ships. That's why I seldom look you in the eye. That's why my pix seldom looking straight back at you; when they do, beware of my intention. You think a gesture or two help you prove the theory and grant you the whole picture? Is there any chance that you overestimate your own perceptivity? But of course let's bear in mind the effect of the butterfly's flutter. It can be that straw in the wind. Facebook is where I deface some of me, some of those I love and those I don't. It's about social network alright, but it's not that about friendship, more about observation, experiment and reflection. It's always about how people interact, the images they present; it's always about people's moves. Move, as a noun and a verb, simultaneously, transcendentally.
I am currently inbetween big moves. Fuzzy, sometimes frustrated, but most of the time I get myself moving along just fine. One step at a time; I am not rushed and I am grateful for not being pushed. From one city to another, from one plan to another, from one stage to another and from the old adventure to a new one, years after years, I see better, whether it be people or things. I learn not to look back, not to take a lot of things seriously and not to take shits from others because I know what I am worth and I know where I am standing. My friends are with me because I know they care and vice versa, because they show their support and wear themselves on the sleeves, because we know we should stay true to one another. Likes attract likes. Our thoughts are often with each other, regardless of distance and time.
Thus, wherever I end up in your life, my love, you know I'll stay true to you and you know where to find me no matter where I move and whatever my moves are.