Last time I saw Frederic, it was seven years ago.
Seven years medical training, two years of residency, and three years of fellowship.
When I first met Fred, he was an intern, surrounded with college girls who were eager to deploy their first step of life-span plan. We were close at one point, but then we became estranged over night.
"What's your concern? He's working night shift tonight."
He's always that smart, always able to perceive what's on my mind.
"I don't think lying here on the same bed is a good idea. What if someone walks in on us."
"But I like you and all I care about is you. What's more to be concerned about?"
I could not find any words and his coarse voice seemed convincing and as enticing as ever.
"Don't you trust me?"
He flipped on top of me, looking into my eyes.
And I slightly pushed him aside and sat straight on the verge of the bunk.
That was the wakeup call. The waking question. Thinking back, I guess I was not sure whether he's the one that I should lose my virginity to. I knew I was a plain girl, rather normal and mediocre. I never wore makeup outside of my part-time job; I was not the kind of girl people would notice at first glimpse. Quite the contrary, Fred was a rising star, who had the look and the talent. Were I the jealous type or obsessive type, walking on the campus with him would be self-destructive. Somehow, he picked me. After the group date, he called me. Among people I knew back then, he was also the only one that had everything: the car, the laptop and the money. I always knew that I was once the target of enviness and jealousy in foreign language college, but I stayed low profile when he came to me. When someone asked, I would say that we were just friends; when someone nosy snooped, I said everything's not settled. And I knew I was not lying.
It was just that...I didn't know "virginity" (or "sexual capacity") was one item on his to-date sheet that he evaluated whether one was qualified to be his girl.
That night, I chose to walk out of his room, closing the door behind me, not knowing that was the last night I had his touch.
Then I called and called, desperately trying to find him and asked for an explanation. I failed. He wouldn't pick up the phone and he's always busy, according to his roommates. I was heartbroken. Aisa found me crying in the shower and couldn't help but call him, attempting to speak to him about me. He came to Aisa's phone because his roommate told him that the voice didn't sound like mine. When Aisa told me all about that call, I soon connected the dots and realized that I was discard, like a used scrap paper, with his handwriting written all over me.
"Oh, honey, you didn't lose anything." Aisa consoled me. " On the contrary, it makes you see his true face, doesn't it?"
She was referring to my flower.
All that glitter is not gold. All that coated with sugar is not sweet all through.
I learnt my lesson and carried on my last year in the foreign language college. My short haircut spoke it all; no one asked me anything. I passed the scrutiny of those X-rayish eyes with my new look and my melancholic face. When the same song was played the 589 times, I knew I was over him.
I forgot his solemn face when he got impatient, his low-pitch voice, his smile, his wrinkled corner of eyes pouting lips that pleaded for a message, his snore when laughing hard, his slander and beautiful fingers that were meant for surgery and piano, his gentle touch whenever we cuddled, his tender kisses fell on my face and I had a hard time recalling how it felt when he brushed his lips against mine.
The last day of June, I moved out of the convent. Aisa held me so tight that we both squeezed ourselves into tears. Downtown, I settled in Aunt Lucie's studio. Aunt Lucie spent most of the time in Miami and left most of her property to my mother's management. Having no daughters, she was fond of me; and upon hearing that I needed a place to stay, she was kind enough to offer me her fifteen-ping studio at the heart of downtown Taipei.
With my new phone, new place, new job and new life, Frederic still found me.