Honestly, I do miss those days when my iCalendar was marked with those five beautiful colours.
I used to be a very routined gal whose days were scheduled up to the fullest. Study, work, dates, events, class preparations, and volunteering were marked in various colours on the calendar, and I felt secure and got sense of satisfaction by one glimpse of the schedule. My life was hectic but totally purposeful and fully-packed. All I lack was the time to sleep, to date and to linger in the bookstores. I felt my life was with directions. The adjective "disoriented" was not on my schedule.
And now, the categories on the calendar are still in five colours: purple for work, pink for readings, orange for housework and grocery trips, blue for casual reading and green for writings. Bored, dry and all meaningful only to myself. This peaceful and undisturbed life was first questioned by me myself and then it raised some eyebrows, condescending for the sake of my capability and my idleness. Slowly but steadily, I found my own pace and began to enjoy this mode/mold of "long vacation" in life.
Our cultural heritage has taught us to not only compete with ourselves but compare with others at the same time. There is always the didactic teaching that goes like: "When we see men of worth, we should think of equaling them; when we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves." Well, there we have it, the comparison is everywhere, only with a demure manner and undertone. Just like expectations and gossips disguise with pretension and care.
Somehow, at some point, I got sick of hearing people whine, including myself. I woke up one morning and found the woman I used to know look tedious and tired in the mirror that twisted and distorted the image a little. And that got me mourning and thinking: nobody did this to me. I have it all coming. Moi, myself.
How can I not enjoy a life that is as beautiful as I am having now? Why on earth do we judge others and always refer to other's stories, not trying to find peace but attempting to beguile ourselves that others' lives are much better than ours? How come I did not find the peace in myself and seize this chance to calm and mull over my own potentials, my goals, my past, present and prospective life? What in the world would I blame others and myself for having this totally different life? Why do some people always complain and ask presumptuous questions, such as those begin with "what if"?
It's all about choices and decisions. And it's all about getting a grip of oneself. It is all about having a little plan but not too much plan, living a little and going with the flow and the heart.
If no big event, plan your own. If nothing important, make something important. If finding myself prone to have syndromes of ADHD, prove myself not, by making a plan and work it out.
Life only gets better when you set your heart and your mind on it and when you stare it in the eyes.
So why don't you stop for a sec and enjoy the sunshine and the freedom while you can?