We were on the topic of loneliness, and you regarded it as something that everyone gets from to time.
I agreed with you, and I intended to find out why.
"Perhaps that's because I didn't have a 'tighter' schedule to keep me busy with," I said.
"Or perhaps that's something that is not replaceable by any hard-working," you said.
Indeed, no matter how overloaded I work, when the break comes and when I am left alone, I feel empty deep down my heart and my soul.
There were moments that I couldn't recall anything or anyone;
it was like I felt blank and floating in the air,
till someone knocked on my door or the phone rang.
There were times that I shed tears and didn't realize it till they dripped down my cheeks.
What is there that I don't feel contented with?
What is it that has filled me with sorrow or emptiness?
What is there for me to complain about my life?
Or is it something that is inevitable and indispensible?
Why is loneliness inevitable and indispensible in life, then?
Perhaps we are all alone, fighting our enemies (if there is any), struggling for life (which could be a bitch) and striving for what we lust?
When facing our rivels, we keep secrets from them so as to win.
When facing our beloved ones, we keep secrets from them becasue we want them to be happy, not to be exposed to the unhappiness, ugliness or difficulty in our life.
But even though there is no secrets at all, we feel lonely.
Is it possible that we assume there's no one that would understand what we are thinking or talking about?
Is it possible that we are too proud to acknowledge that there is someone out there comperhends everything that we have been through?
My friend Rose reminds me, "let's not pretend we are Somebody that is different from others, like a genius. Don't ever think you are not one of us."
We are, nonetheless, individuals that are different from one another; we should never expect others to understand completely what is in our mind.
Is there anyone ever fully understand the other person?
When people say "I understand," does it really mean they comprehend all the turmoil that we have been through?
Do I trust people? Is it that disbelief or faithlessness result in my loneliness?
Or the arrogance, Rose referred to, that has made me unhappy and discontent.
Somehow, I am told,
"Let's just keep things flow, keep everything simple, look up to the sun (now can we really?) and don't think that much."