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Sitting in the dark alone in this tiny cube of my own space, I hope to find some peace, starting from shutting myself out, withdrawing from the world I'ld known for years.
Brooding on how I am going to retreat from the shuttling, hustling and bustlnig of the outside would, I found it impossible for one to get away from all the history that has chained and entangled my life with yours.
Feeling exhausted and weary of getting worried about people's reaction and response to my words and deeds, perhpas my remaining silent will bring some space between us, between me and people surrounding me.
What is the meaning of my existance in the world?
Is there ONE particular purpose for one to live in the world?
Once I apologized for being a bitchy pain in the ass to someone that I cared too much to see through.
He didn't console me with the denial or relief, nor did he pardon me for giving him a hard time (if I ever gave him any).
The only thing he said was, "Soemone's got to be..."
I didn't tell him how that reponse hurt me, for he wouldn't care about that, either.
I, thereafter, began to push myself to the extreme, trying to find out how bitchy I myself could be.
Unfortunately, before long, I realized that no matter how bitchy I tried to be, I bounced back as soon as I encountered the words and reaction that are much worse than mine.